Kevin Kuenzie is one of those guys that is ever present in the mini-truckin' community. Always joking, he's the guy that will find a way to make you laugh no matter what.
As a rep for MA Audio, he's definitely at the core of our sport and has more connections with mini-truckers from coast to coast than even we do. For the past eight years, we have watched as his truck has progressed from a street-clean mini to a full-bore cover truck. And now we are proud to bring you the funktastic adventures of the man and his mini.
MT- Before we get too deep into this interview, I have to bust your chops on a couple of things.
Captain- You don't want to start off with busting of the chops, do you?
MT- Yes. Now, we go way back. The first thing we have to bust your chops on is for the time you poured hot sauce in one of our editor's eyes at Spring Splash '95.
Captain- OK, but he should feel honored because I've only devirginized two people in the 10 years that I've been a mini-trucker.
MT- So you've built this truck three times, huh?
Captain- Well, the first time I built it, I was young and dumb. The second time I built it was after the truck was almost totaled as I left the 1996 California Truck Jamboree. I built it again for the last time just to be the pimp that I am.
MT- Oh yes, we remember seeing your truck when it was that sea-foam green color. Was that the result of the second buildup, and how did you almost total your truck?
Captain- A very dumb woman saw a magic green light when it was really red and proceeded to turn right in front of me. Kapow! My truck was wrecked.
MT- OK, I just forgot what I was going to ask you now.
Captain- Are you going to ask me some questions about my truck or not?
MT- Alright, fine. Who painted your mini?
Captain- Ghetto Ryan of Kaotic Kustoms laid down the House of Kolors Kandy Burple, Calyspo Green, and Tangelo Orange Kolors.
MT- Yes, and it looks fantabulous. I'm sensing a disco vibe to this interview. Care to comment on that?
Captain- It's all about bringin' a truckload of funk, which is why I built Funktastic. You've got to be funky to be bringin' the funk.
MT- Hey, where did you bogart that two-dollar bill idea that is on your truck's tailgate?
Captain- Kaotic Kustoms is famous for putting $100 bills in all of its paintjobs, so I decided that a two-dollar bill would be way funkier.
MT- Oh, so it's not a two-dollar bill because you're a broke-ass mini-trucker?
Captain- The Captain is a mini-trucker, yes.
MT- So what CDs do you roll to when you feel like bringin' the funk?
Captain- The best of Warrant, the best of Cameo, and, my all-time favorite, Frank Sinatra's Best.
MT- Back to your truck. Who laid it out for you?
Captain- Most of the visible work was done by Devious Customs, but it was originally 'bagged and four-linked by Derek Veenstra of Cause I Can Customs in Fresno, California.
MT- Who was the genius behind your truck's interior and audio system?
Captain- A little bit of me and a ton of Gary Bell from Image Audio. Gary Bell is almost as funky as me. His nickname is Chocolate, and he can build a system to blast the funk from yo' trunk. Patti Jo Thweatt stitched up the GT1 seats and the headliner.
MT- I wouldn't know if your truck is fast or not because I've never seen it actually run. I've only pushed it from the shop to the trailer. What have you got under the hood?
Captain- Extrude Hone Incorporated ported the factory intake manifold, and Southland Motorsports installed a Downey Off Road camshaft and an air intake. Other than that, its stock except for the CGS Motorsports exhaust system and, of course, a bit of the funk.
MT- OK, enough about the funk. What do you think about the state of the mini-trucking scene these days?
Captain- That's a hard question. If you mean what do I think the biggest problem is, I'd have to say it's that so many people are still infatuated with the import race scene.
Captain- The import events have really overshadowed the truck shows, and movies like The Fast and the Furious are taking kids to la la land. There are twice as many good import shows than there are truck runs for me to take my ride to.
MT- True. And there are all-night parties at the shows. DJs, glow sticks, naked chicks, and stuff like that. Would you like to see a truck show like that or would you rather go camping instead?
Captain- Camping out at a show is all about the people. If you have the right mix of funk and people, then it will be more fun than any import show. That's why I'm in Negative Camber. The NC crew is a lot of fun, and they bring the funk whenever possible. Can I give some shout outs now?
Captain- First, I want to thank my mama and my girl, Jen. Next, I want to thank: Humpty; Creamy; Opie; Tito; Ghetto; Pops; Chocolate; Number Two; "Hollywood" Mike Fitch; L.A. Dave; Lurch; Dolla' Bill; Trapper; Billy Slavens; James "No Mullet" Crosby; Steve Butts; Tito's mom; Downtown Josh Brown; Dong; Booger; Prick; Rumpshaker the Blanket Maker; Squeaky; Jafo; Jaime Z.; Grasshopper; Pang; Little D.; Tattoo Jay; Jose Louis; The Wookie; and a big shout out to my baby mamas. Oh yeah, and Arrrgh Finnegan.